Guten Tag, y’all!
Well guys, I’ve done it again. I’ve logged another entry in my Bad Mommy Files. The Bad Mommy Files? Oh it’s a real thing. If you’ve got a kid, you know what I’m talking about–that mental catalogue you keep of all maternal related screw ups, horrifying moments and other parenting #fails. I’ve already told y’all the price I paid for saying “shut up” in front of the Babycakes. This time… well, let me just present the facts.
Exhibit A: Hi-yah!
Kung Fu Panda is one of the Babycakes’ favorite movies. He’s watched it so often that the karate call “Hi-yah!” has become a verb in our house. As in “Don’t hi-yah kids on the playground. It’s not nice.”
Exhibit B: “Gretel”
There’s a little girl in Babycakes’ Kindergarten class. Let’s call her Gretel. Gretel is a nice enough little girl, but she has no boundaries. She likes to hug the Babycakes, despite the fact that he is usually yelling out “No” and “Stop.” Yes, I’ve had to
yell at talk firmly to her.
Exhibit C: First, say STOP!
Even though the mom in me wants to scare this child into keeping her hands to herself, I don’t believe in fighting my child’s battles for him. So I decided to have a discussion with him so that he’d know how to deal with Gretel. “Here’s what to do,” I said. “First, say ‘STOP!’ If she doesn’t stop, then next thing to do istell your teacher. And if she still doesn’t stop after that, you can hi-yah her.” That last part was a joke. But what happned next…
Exhibit D: The Sparkle
Why oh why did I forget that hi-yah was the magic word? When I joked that he could Kung Fu this child, the Babycakes’ eyes lit up. They sparkled. “Mommy, I hi-yah Gretel?” “NO! No no no no noooo!” It took WEEKS for me to stop worrying that he would go all Dragon Warrior on Gretel. Thankfully, the message got through.
Don’t joke about Kung Fu with your child. It’s just not worth it.